I just back from the theater. Going to the movies alone is one of my favorite activities and tonight's did not disappoint. I saw 'A Simple Favor' and it was phenomenal. It literally was everything I was waiting for in a movie. Two strong female leads who are not stereotypical with amazing character development. Their characters crossed all female 'boundaries'. It also was just incredibly dynamic.
Anyway, watching it made me realize a few things.
I have been thinking about starting this blog for awhile, as a place to just let my thoughts out. I was going to call it natural, as I've always loved that word, but I realized RAW is more me. It's rough around the edges and my be abrasive. I need to stop apologizing for who I am and working to be someone people will 'like'.
I loved Emily in the movie. From the first moment she walked on screen she was dynamic. Not apologizing for anything. Just being who she is. I was so jealous. The truth is, I want to be powerful enough to be who I am, apologetically. Currently in my life that isn't possible. I work in fucking retail of all things. Half my job is showing people where the bathroom is and finding shit. It was nice to have a reminder in a movie that I, and any other woman, can be who we are. So this is my place. Like it or not. I'm sure this blog will not be read by very many people if anyone reads it at all, but I don't care. I just need a place to be me.
The other thing is that everyone has a dark side. Stephanie seemed like such a good mom, but her past was extremely dark. I always think of women like Rose says in Titanic, 'A woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets.' and I believe that is 100% true in the case of all women, whether they admit it or not. I mean, think of the women in your life that you are truly close to? They all have messed up secrets, and if they don't that probably means you don't know them that well.
What are mine? I fear I am like Emily in my relationship. I fear that I am with him because I know he needs me more that I need him, or because I know that if i'm with him I will able to do what I want in life. I don't know if this is true or not. I know that having someone who respects me enough to be a partner and someone I can lead is important to me, but I also know I love him. This movie is really making me think and realize what not to do in a marriage, and it's making me wonder if wanting someone who will 'allow' me to accomplish my goals and dreams is bad? I love how selfish she is and I hate it. But the truth is I will never be able to not pursue my dreams or fill my full potential, but I do believe (hope - play on words from the movie) there is a better way to do so.
I obviously have more secrets than that and I am sure if you keep reading you may find more.
So welcome to RAW, my strong and unedited thoughts. I'm sure this blog will be all over the place and not make sense at all, but honestly, I don't care. I have a lot of thoughts about a lot of topics and they will offend people, but that doesn't make them invalid.

Kisses Bitches.

Mel